Treatment goes 2 ways for me.
50% of the time I want to jump off a bridge and die and the other 50% dreams of turning this condition into my mission. I waiver to one side or the other based off my symptoms and how I'm treated by insurance companies mainly. Today, I have two stories to tell; one of hopelessness and the other of hope.
Let's get the shitty one out of the way first.
November 16th marks the 3rd year anniversary of starting Lyme disease treatment. I'll never forget that date. I forget birthdays, names, and what I was just about to say. But never that date. That was the date I had the power to finally after 4 years of being ill, misdiagnosed, ignored, and being told I was healthy despite knowing in my core that I wasn't, to do something about my illness.
Every anniversary of the start of Lyme treatment I want to write, "I'm better" and because I can't I find myself in a whirlwind of emotions, a puddle of tears, and a black hole of depression. You can usually find me alone in my neighborhood bar making friends with the bartender and trying samples of anything I can drink that won't kill me. Remember this is the shitty version... I'm over it. Sick with Lyme since winter of 2009, four years undiagnosed, and three years in treatment. I want it to be over. I want to move on but unfortunately I can't yet. Chronic Neuroborreliosis Lyme disease is a full time job. The constant insurance battles, traveling to doctor appointments, multiple illnesses, supplements, medications, lack of energy, no foods to eat, the pain, the money spent, alternative treatments, faking being okay, everything...all while not well and all while working and trying to survive.
I want to be in school, I would like to be enjoying the new city I'm living in, meeting more people, doing more things. I miss the old Becky. I was social, busy, active and way less tired. There are so many times I want to be living more but I am still confined and just getting by. Since January I have been off antibiotics and I relapsed. I have been treating my immune system and candida and at this point I am at 70% without the antibiotics. I still struggle with my eyes, I'm exhausted, and in a lot of pain most days. I have a very limited diet and I have developed too many food allergies to count on my fingers and toes. There are some good days and my goal is still 100%.
There are multiple levels of hopelessness but another major factor comes from the medical system:
The CDC says I should be better by now. In-fact, I was supposed to be better 2 years and 11 months ago. HA, right. Insurance companies completely deny chronic Lyme exists, despite the 230 studies done proving evidence of persistent Lyme bacteria. We are still being told that Lyme bacteria does not linger after 2-4 weeks of antibiotics and that our remaining symptoms left after treatment are something called post Lyme disease syndrome. The IDSA will not admit that the bacteria persevere inside of our body after their recommended treatment dosage of 2-4 weeks of antibiotics. The IDSA will not change their guidelines because they feel there isn't sufficient evidence of persistent bacteria in those sick with Lyme disease. Therefore, denying us proper medical treatment and insurance coverage. It's a fucking joke. The article below lists 230 peer reviewed studies that show evidence of persistent Lyme disease.
http://norvect.no/230-peer-reviewed-studies-show-evidence-of-persistent-lyme-disease/
Anybody who knows anything about Borrelia Borgdorferi bacteria one of the species that cause Lyme or that of the Spirochete class of bacteria (the bacteria that causes Lyme disease) clearly knows it is a stealthy organism. The corkscrew like bacteria worm their way into our tissues, and can affect any organ in our body. The bacteria evade our immune system by changing into 3 forms, including living in bio-film and hiding in hard to reach cyst forms. The bacteria wreck havoc on the host! It's quite obvious that the bacteria will persist after 2-4 weeks of antibiotics. It's not rocket science, yet we are still arguing about it?! This link describes why our immune system gets wacky in more detail.
http://norvect.no/230-peer-reviewed-studies-show-evidence-of-persistent-lyme-disease/
Anybody who knows anything about Borrelia Borgdorferi bacteria one of the species that cause Lyme or that of the Spirochete class of bacteria (the bacteria that causes Lyme disease) clearly knows it is a stealthy organism. The corkscrew like bacteria worm their way into our tissues, and can affect any organ in our body. The bacteria evade our immune system by changing into 3 forms, including living in bio-film and hiding in hard to reach cyst forms. The bacteria wreck havoc on the host! It's quite obvious that the bacteria will persist after 2-4 weeks of antibiotics. It's not rocket science, yet we are still arguing about it?! This link describes why our immune system gets wacky in more detail.
The good story:
I might not be as healthy as I'd like to be but I'm still killing it.
If giving up was something I did then eight years ago I would have ended up like most Americans with chronic illness; scooped up in the medical system, paying the salaries of doctors prescribing drugs rather than helping their patients, and giving all my money to the pharmaceutical companies trying to keep me sick. I would be heavily medicated, most likely on steroids, and would be treating Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and early onset Alzheimer's disease.I might not be as healthy as I'd like to be but I'm still killing it.
Although everyday my life is a challenge that nobody other Lyme disease suffers can fully understand I am grateful this November for the tenacity I have. I make it known to insurance companies, doctors and anybody who wants to try fight me on it that I am not backing down. I always win and I get what I want. That is why I'm functioning at 70% right now and that's why I'll make to 100%. I am currently in the process of taking this tenacity I have for my health and implementing it in my day to day life. I have some goals set and some things to accomplish this next year. Please keep an eye on my Lyme disease advocacy page for emerging projects.
More good news is that last year around this time I took appropriate measures to make some changes with doctors based off my own instincts. Turned out I was correct and since we have been discovering and treating other conditions that are helping to support my immune system; keeping me off antibiotics, and helping my body to be strong enough to fight this infection on my own.
Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for reading.
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| The neighborhood Turkeys |
My life is beautiful thanks to you, Mein Helfer. Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases ... Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetis, Fribroid,Parkinson's disease,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Fibromyalgia, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or whatsapp, @ .. drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, phone number .. + 2348149277967 .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.
ReplyDeleteAs a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from Lymes, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
ReplyDeleteMy husband suffered Lymes and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony of so many people who was cured from Lymes , and so many other with similar body problem, and they left the contact of this doctor who had the herbal cure to Lymes. I never imagined Lymes has a cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life.Lymes has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony .