Friday, October 14, 2016

Coming Up on Two Years of Treatment

This morning I cried in between jobs.  The weather is wet and a storm is coming and I'm nearing my 2 year mark of Lyme disease treatment. That's two years of swallowing nearly 36,500 pills, 3 months of shots in my ass, and many, many drops in my eyes.  That doesn't include the sleepless nights in pain, the piles of hair on my bathroom floor, pretend smiles, my lost words, and the hours taken from my days. The money spent, holy shit the money spent, and the many, many tears that have fallen from my eyes; their still falling and I'm still wondering.

I don't get any answers with Lyme disease and neither do the hundreds of thousands suffering.  We don't get answers. We either hope or we lose hope.

Uggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I sound so depressed.  I'm not really.  I'm just going through something that has completely changed my life over the last six years + there is a future full of unknowns.  I feel like it's okay if I get a lil down about it every once in a while, ya know?  I spend most days positive and filled with things I love but sometimes the reality of my situation slaps me on my ass. And stings.

Just real quick...I messed my hair up big time.  It went from the pretty upper right.
To the ugly orange clown bottom, then got fixed to the photo on the left, all in a few days.  Phewww, it was ScaRy.

I've gone through so many phases with this disease and you can read them all right here in this blog. Today I'm not happy that my life will forever be different. I've accepted it; That I'm always gonna be a lil different.  It's been a slow process for me but it's happening.  The funny thing is, and I'm sure my long time friends can attest to this, I've always been a lil different!  This just makes me a special kind of different and not everybody understands that kind.

Lymies...Surround yourselves with people who get you and if they don't get you, make sure they are trying to.  You deserve that.

On the bad days remind yourself of how far you've come.  
Guys! I'm almost there. My body feels like the second place runner, or the B+ student who tries so hard for an A.  I'm there but I'm not there, better, but not better.

I see my doctor in just over a week and I will be able to get an idea of how much longer I will be needing treatment.  When I began treatment in November of 2014 I was told I was looking at roughly 1.5 to 2 years in order to get into remission.  By now I know that it's a guessing game and remission doesn't come to all who try.   Right now we are on the rode to repair damaged tissues in my body from the spirochetes burrowing into all my places, and I'm still working on fixing my immune system so that when I do get off meds I can keep the bugs at bay.

 I'll be back soon.  But for now listen to this song.  This guy loves a woman who struggled with Lyme disease for thirteen years and finally got a diagnosis.

and this one.

Thanks for reading! Becky  :)