Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Happy New Year!

I'm excited for this new year, more-so than I've ever been for any year.  I'm excited for so many reasons I can't even contain myself! This post is a mix of what's on my mind and how my treatment is going. My brain is turning back on and I'm not quite sure how to put things together with so much happening inside of it, my writing feels like it's in shambles. I'm on brain overload.

Just so you know...

I conquer spirochetes, yo!

You might hear me mention how Lyme is shaping me into the women I've always wanted to be.  I'm going to talk about that in depth a little bit.  First off it's not just the Lyme who's doing it it's ME who's doing it.  I've made major life decisions over the last year that were scary, last January I didn't have a place to live, I was staying at a training clients home.  I was scared, having just being diagnosed with chronic late stage Lyme, at the start of my treatment, not having a brain that functioned optimally, out of a 7 year relationship, no family near by, and only able to work 15 hours a week.  I had no idea where my life was headed.  My family and friends wanted me back in Cleveland, but I refused because I felt like I needed to figure things out on my own and somehow I did.  I pulled myself up and out of a black hole, rebuilding my world brick by brick. My life is still coming together and it'll be a long road to where I want to be, but the good news is that I'm well on my way and I see a destination point. Right now I feel stronger than ever before and I'm not talking about physical strength, although I am fucking strong!  I'm talking about the kind of strength that allows me to be me. The strength that comes from being knocked down.  I feel as though I can do absolutely anything after having gone through this last year, and that's a great way to start a new year!  I know what I want and I'm confident in my ability. I recognize my self worth and do not  measure myself against others. LOVE is a word I emerge myself in, a word rarely mentioned in my childhood.  I see the value and significance in family and friends like never before and I love selflessly, which is very worthwhile.

There are many reasons why people go into the black hole, not just a debilitating illness.  My only wish for others struggling in life, for whatever reason, is to get there, to the other side.  It's much lighter over here.  So thank you Lyme for guiding me to the other side!

I love both of these songs and combined it's gorgeous and they are so adorable.

People, don't ever take your brain for granted.  I didn't realize how messed up my brain was for so many years, until it came back.  My mental health had always been pretty normal until I got Lyme. Looking back I see how much it had been messing with me.  It started out with bursts of anger and weird behavior out of nowhere.  Then depression, anxiety and inability to focus and read. Later, I  literally went from someone who loved being in social situations to a hermit, I would hide by my then boyfriends side and I hated running into people I knew in public????
Next came in the summer of 2014, slurring of speech, walking out of grocery stores not remembering how I got there.  The scariest of all was when I started driving on the wrong side of the road and getting lost in familiar areas.  It took a lot of my personality away with it to.  I thought it was just my body naturally reserving my energy, being more mellow and expending only available energy to get me through a day. But it was the spirochetes! Those lil fuckers stole Becky!

It feels amazing to have more than a few pieces of Becky back. Everyday I feel more and more like myself, I'm even beginning to be able to rap again! I haven't been able to do that in years and I love it...Lyme brain+rap star = no success.

Part of spirochetes residing in your brain means that you may not dream.  I haven't really had a dream in two years, but New Years Day I woke up to Dizzy running around on my bed, I was soooo ecstatic.  Even though it was only a dream, it was the sweetest dream to wake up to.  I told my doctor how I've been having bits and pieces of dreams and she said dreaming is a sign of a healthy brain- in the Lyme treatment world.  Yay!

My dream girl!

Things in this post are already becoming a reality!  I can't wait until I can check them all off my list.

Let's talk about my progress for a sec because I am very thankful for it. When I visited my doctor on 12/30 she was very happy with my progress and says I am doing soooooo well, just 1 year and 1 month into treatment!!!
One of the FEW symptoms left is my eyes, it seems that all the spirochetes in my body are chillin in my eyes right now.  They look and feel terrible.  My doctor is a little worried and wants me to see a LL eye specialist in Seattle.  They do not feel good, I just try to ignore it all day.

My doctor switches up my meds every 6-8 weeks and unfortunately, I have yet to begin my new treatment plan because I am waiting for insurance to cover my meds.  So frustrating.  I also hope this is the year that late stage chronic Lyme disease can be recognized as a thing so our medical expenses can be covered and those suffering, unable to afford the ridiculous cost of treatment can GET BETTER

My eyes...ohhh and hip.  ouch.

I found my symptom calendar from last Dec/Jan 

I have not had a stuffed animal ever in my adult life.  Who would of guessed that a stuffed dog would be the best gift I could receive one bad day.

Here is my update treatment video.

Happy New Year and thanks for reading!