Fuck You, With Love

I really wanted to scratch this ridiculous blog, about things I love, and write a big Fuck You blog post.  But I'm not going to, because what good is that going to do for me.  

My life right now has been one step forward, two steps back.  Every time something good rolls around, I can now expect two really shitty things to follow.  

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!  I think it's taken me 6 months to fully except, or see the changes that have taken place since discovering I had Lyme.  Maybe the brain fog has worn off, and I'm starting to see the light again.  I don't know, but I don't want to be in the fishbowl anymore, I'm sick of watching everybody else live.  I don't want to be in pain anymore.  I am over it, done, good bye, get out of my life, let me live.

I hate what Lyme has taken from me.  Five fucking years of my life.  Lyme has taken from me my body, my mind, my schooling, health, friends, acting, relationships, money, home, Dizzy, work, my life.  This illness is going to be a life long fight, I realize this now.  

I'm angry.

I'm angry that I had to live with this for four years without proper diagnosis.  I'm angry that so much damage was done in those 5 years.  I'm angry that so many people are living with this unknowingly.  I'm angry that the CDC denies chronic Lyme exists. I'm angry that my life was placed on a back burner, while I figured out what was wrong with me, and nobody listened to me, it was all in my head!  I'm angry because I fight with insurance companies almost daily to get treatment for myself!  I'm angry that my voice is so small and that people treat me like less of a human. Why is it such a struggle to regain health? That's all I want, my health. 

Fuck Lyme Disease.  I'm pissed.  I have been advocating for Lyme with a smile on my face.  But not now, not anymore. This needs to change, people are dying from Lyme.  There are also Lyme patients killing themselves because they would rather be dead, then have to live with Lyme.  Lymies are unable to afford the ridiculous cost of treatment and it is killing them.  What is wrong with this picture?  I can't even believe this is happening in our society, right now.

Soooo this is kind of turning into a fuck you post, just not directed at the person I want to say fuck you to.  I'm going to change the subject now and talk about things I heart, because there is still love in my beaten up heart.  Mmmkkkk.  But not before you listen to this song, because this is on repeat in my brain.

I'll rebuild my life one pill at a time, because there is no room for Lyme.

I

Alter Eco Chocolate

The donuts, cake, brownies, cookies, and ice cream that you consume are something I haven't touched in a year and will never be able to touch again.  Sweets are basically nonexistent in my life, this is the only treat you'll see me consuming.  Sometimes I smother the chocolate squares in peanut butter!  I can eat PB again!!

Dates

Yes, these wrinkly pieces of goodness are also considered a treat, for me.  Anything starts looking good after years on a no sugar diet.

Collagen powder

I eat protein, but as an added way of getting protein I like to add collagen powder to drinks or smoothies.  I can't eat most protein powders due to allergies or food intolerances.  Lyme bacteria loves connective tissues and collagen helps rebuild cells.  Read below to find out all the benefits.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/431493-what-are-the-benefits-of-a-collagen-powder-drink/

Lemons

Help get the water down.

Spin Bike

I used to teach spin classes when I lived in NYC.  This bike brings back memories.  I'm happy to have extra energy to ride it.  I do about 3-4 30 min sessions a week, at my gym.

Bobby Brown concealer & corrector

For my Lyme eyes.  It works wonders, really.

Mid day Summer walks & lounging in the grass

(because I can be outdoors now)  The last 3 years or so I couldn't go outside much because my outdoor allergies were really bad.  For example, riding my bike outdoors caused throat swelling and rashes.

Sometimes it's just good to get out and get a lil sun on your skin.  It's especially nice breaking away mid day for an hour or so ;)

Naps

I said it!  It's hard to admit, that I nap or that I physically have to nap some days.  But I'm getting used to it and I think that's because I'm napping less.  Back before  I knew I  had Lyme, I went to doctors because I had insomnia pretty bad and needed some form of sleeping agent to help me sleep.  The doctors told me never to nap, because it would make it harder to get to sleep at night.  I was scared to take naps until I realized that my body is in recovery and I need them. 

Snuggles and hugs

Let's face it, everybody needs and loves, snuggles and hugs.  When your sick or not feeling well, or need a pick me up, snuggles and hugs are like a drug.

Thanks for reading!!