For those of you who don't know, I am an actress. I've always been an actress and I always will be an actress. I've found that my acting helps me get through the challenging days of treatment and I realize that what I'm going through now, is going to help me become a better actress.
I've had to cut back on acting, while going through treatment. It's incredibly hard on my body and the long hours drain me physically and mentally. This is something that upsets me greatly, right when the water started flowing, the drain got plugged! So when a friend who worked with me several years back contacted me, in hopes of working together again, I could not refuse! My energy level has been increasing and my mental fog has lessened some. I'd like to say I'm over the "bad hump" of treatment, but I'm no longer naive about this illness, and I'm fully aware of the ups and downs.
Stela & Syd are mindful of my condition, and I'd worked with them in the past, so it seemed safe and stress-less.
This project is about Lyme Disease and I could not be more happy to be a part of it! I'm very excited to announce, I'm back at it...kind of. I'd have to say this is my most passionate project to date.
We put together a last minute, public service announcement, for a global social cause, that we based on Lyme Disease. This is a global competition, that has the potential to be seen by many! It is a 60 second spot, and you can believe, it's near impossible to tell my story in 60 seconds. But it worked! Here is the link below.
When you consistently feel like a fish swimming in a fish bowl, watching the world go by from the inside, it's refreshing to have others reach out and show support. Every time that happens it pulls me a little closer to the surface of the water.
Lyme Disease awareness month is coming to an end and I feel like it has been a success. I've done my best to spread awareness, and the support from others that I have received feels amazing. I was lucky to have been able to put two of my passions together and create something worth sharing.
A friend reached out from Nova Lash, wanting to #TakeABiteOutOfLyme
My wonderful co-workers stepped up to the Lyme Disease Challenge.
My sister and her little ones took a bite out of Lyme for me.
Thank You, to those of you who have contacted me or have taken my advice. I couldn't be more happy for those who I touch with my story. I've helped more than one person by sharing my adventure and I only hope to help more. There is talk of an upcoming documentary, to help open peoples eyes to the growing epidemic of Lyme Disease and it's co-infections.
The big question is...What's next for me? Becky is feeling a bit better and there are offers on the table.
This song has been on repeat in my ipod.
And this is what I look like when I'm contemplating major life decisions...
Not all Lyme patients have the same kind of schedule. This is how a typical day of killing Lyme looks like for me. I always feel like I should be doing more though.
5:30amWake up and take my thyroid medication on an empty stomach. There is a large percentage of Lyme patients who have trouble converting there t4 to t3. This really slows metabolism and causes weight gain. So a compounded t3 is needed as well as t4. Eventually the thyroid will balance itself out and medication won't be needed. This could have been the reason I struggled with my fitness goals over the last 4.5 years. I ate a clean diet of 1200 calories and gained weight!
7am Breakfast My breakfast needs to be allergen free, intolerant free, and low in sugar, or I'm off to a really shitty start. Sugar feeds the bacteria and is one of the worst things to consume while on a shit ton of antibiotics.
I typically eat a coconut wrap with turkey meat, (that just says turkey and salt as ingredients) lettuce, some kind of fermented food, like sauerkraut, and maybe avocado if it's around.
I've added a smoothie to the rotation:
Blueberries, sea vegetable powder, coconut oil, plain unsweetened soy milk,collagen powder, water, spinach, carrots, pomegranate juice, and sunflower seed butter. I don't recommend trying this one, it's disgusting, especially if you have no appetite. Coffee, I will not give up my coffee, I've given up too much already :)
Antibiotics go down the hatchet with breakfast, along with my B6, to keep my brain active in the dream department.
9am Pills, pills and more pills These are usually gagged down at work. They are my probiotics, cell support, active B vitamins, immune support, vitamins, antioxidants, you name it. This usually stirs some questions... In the morning, the pills don't go down easy.
Snacks and lunch Snacking (and my thyroid problem) helps me to keep the weight on. Here are some of my favorite, and only treats I consume, really. Eating high quality, non-GMO, organic food is necessary, this means no chemicals, dyes or weird natural flavors. I also need to avoid dairy, gluten, grains, sugar, nuts, my known allergens and known intolerances. My allergens are random, some examples are dill, wheat, almonds and nectarines. I'm known to make up new food groups, in order to eat.
My lunch is usually a salad with loads of veggies, homemade dressing, or chicken and vegetables.
All day, as much lemon water as I can drink, sometimes a kombucha, cell food, chlorophyll, and milk thistle, in water. Maybe some dandelion tea, coconut oil and antioxidants, like blueberries. Keeping your body alkaline is extremely important, this prevents Lyme bacteria from thriving.
Random during the day things, I might have some blood drawn. It's really important to have the liver checked monthly, to see if it's holding up from all the antibiotics. So far, so good on mine.
I'm told I have "good veins"
I try to hit up the infrared sauna when I can, it helps regenerate cells and I have lots of damage to mine. I would love to be able to enjoy a massage once a week, but that doesn't happen :) I also try to do some kind of exercise, whether it's with my training clients, at home, or a walk. I've been appreciating beauty on my walks lately.
2x a week I have my IM Bicillin injections, this means that I am now visiting my non LLMD doctor twice a week to have them administered by a nurse, in the doctors office. I've grown to love my injections, they help with my energy and mental clarity, so much. I'm currently off for a week, waiting on insurance drama and I'm back to my lethargic, dyslexic, word changer, and slurrer of a self.
Looong needle
My IM Bicillin injection video below
5:30-7 Dinner Again this usually consists of protein, veg and fat.
Pill form antibiotics are taken again with food.
8-9pm millions of other pills, in the evening, these go down a little easier.
My easy to transport pill box for sleepovers
Sleep 9-11 So important when you are trying to regenerate your body and cells. Sleeping problems are common amongst Lymies. In order for me to get good sleep, I need to "get sleepy" around 9pm. This means get in a dark room, maybe look at a book, (not able to read just yet) a cold eye mask helps for some reason and melatonin.
I also foam roll the pain away, take epsom salt baths almost nightly. Run around to pharmacies, take naps, call insurance companies, call my doctor, call my other doctor, cook, take another nap :(
grocery shop, heating pad, work about 30 hours a week, and try to do fun stuff when I can.
Most of my stress on a daily basis is usually caused by insurance companies. I'm deathly afraid of medication not getting covered by insurance. I'm also horrified that I will be unable to continue treatment for multiple reasons.
On the weekends, I try to have a little more fun, I'm off my brutal antibiotic Fri-Sun, so here I can enjoy a glass of wine or two.
Basically, my day revolves around getting rid of Lyme disease which makes me feel like a total outcast most days, and of course, my days are nothing like they used to be. :)
p.s. This includes none of my personal life drama, which is also a total nightmare.
I am having the most stressful week ever. This post isn't gleaming with words of encouragement, it's basically me taking my frustration out on others, and I'm not going to apologize for fucking complaining every once in a while! :)
Stop doing these things and start treating me like you would pre-Lyme.
1. Don't say childish comments when you see me taking 50 pills. I may have to take these pills while out on the town, gathering with friends, on a spin bike, at work, or in restaurants. I'm not trying to get attention I'm simply trying to live my life and kill Lyme at the same time. Keep your childish comments to yourself and try not to bring negative attention to the situation.
2. Don't leave me out of everything. Yes, I am sick. I may not be able to do a lot of the things I had in the past. But when you don't even try to include me, then talk about it all the time, it isolates me more, and makes me really sad. I'm still here, just sick!
3. Don't at any point remind me that I am physically limited. I will punch you in the face.I work in the environment where people aspire to be strong and fit. I am around it all day every day. Trust me, I know I can't do the things I used to, or may not look the way I want to look. But you do not have to tell me!
4. Leave my diet alone. Do you think I enjoy being gluten free, dairy free, grain free, sugar free, most fruits free, low fodmop, low glycemic, nut free, all my millions of allergens free? Over the course of the last 5 years, I have had to eliminate all these foods. This is something I have to do or I can't function. I will most likely eat like this forever. It's not a big deal to me anymore and it's none of your business what I eat.
5. If I tell you, that you have Lyme disease, don't laugh, because I'm not kidding. I'm basically the Lyme and co-infection whisperer. So take my advice and get yourself help, or you will be sorry.
6. If you really don't care how I am, don't ask. Plain and simple, you don't listen anyway.
7. If you do ask me how I am, don't start squirming and acting really uncomfortable when I start telling you exactly how I am. Awareness has to start somewhere.
8. Don't judge me. Whether you know I have Lyme or not, stop it. Don't judge anyone, you have no idea what people are going through.
9. Don't treat me like less of a person. Seriously, I'm sick and in pain, but I work hard to maintain a normal life. I can still do my job, I can still communicate with people, I can still have a social life, I can still do a lot of the things I could before. So do not limit me to things. This happens on a daily basis, it sucks and makes me feel under appreciated and discarded. I'm an actress dammit, I hide things really well.
10. Stop talking about how I look. Don't tell me I look tired, look so much better, have less puffy eyes, look sick, look skinny, look healthy, should be thinner, have a better complexion, look like you have jaundice, have red eyes, a swollen joint . I didn't realize that having Lyme disease opens the door and allows others to comment on your appearance and say things that you would never say to anybody.
You should watch this. She did a great job with her Lyme challenge.
"There is a name for people like you" said my LLMD on my fifth office visit. I forget the name she used... of course, that's my Lyme brain being forgetful. She says she sees them pass through her office every once in a while, like dynamite on 4th of July. She also knows the minute she meets someone if they will succeed with treatment, and she can tell in an instant if your significant other gives a fuck about you and your Lyme disease.
The type of person I am, is the type of person sitting across from her in pain, asking for more pain. Treatment for Lyme is weird. You want your body to feel an immense amount of pain, for herxing purposes, then you want to up the ante, because you know you've found a good drug combination, that's killing the bacteria off.
My LL informed me that few people my size can tolerate the amount of medication that she gives a 200 pound man. I smirk, because I know I can, and in an instant, the dosage goes up. I've coined the catchphrase, "I'm the strongest Lyme patient everrrrr." This phrase might come giggling out when I'm physically exerting myself, or I might think it, when a needle gets shoved in my ass. Physically and mentally, I know I am. Although, we all are. Anyone fighting Lyme disease with all they've got are the strongest Lyme patients ever. I am speaking about the ones doing everything they can to get better, the ones who want to get better, the ones who are taking this experience and learning and growing from it, the ones spreading awareness, making change, fighting to remain positive, building strength the best they can, letting go of what's out of their control (I struggle here), and the ones who see a future of health and happiness.
Don't get me wrong, I cry almost daily, but it's what comes after the cry that's the defining moment...the smile. It always comes back. I think I read that somewhere or heard it in a song, it's true.
If you are going through a challenging time in your life, what helps me, is to surrender to things that are out of my control. It is my biggest challenge and I work on it daily with baby steps. It's a challenge for me because it feels as though I am accepting being ill, like I'm throwing in the towel. I get out of that frame of mind by self talking myself through the situation. This helps me to see the difference between acceptance and surrender. One of the hardest things for me to witness right now are healthy, carefree people out living life, doing the things I am unable to do right now. I also struggle with having a limited energy supply (I never would have thought I'd run out of energy :). So I try to be in the moment, no matter how shitty that moment is and have trust that I will not be ill forever, and that I'm only temporarily limited in things. When you surrender it brings about opportunity and opportunity brings change.
I love visiting my doctor, we see each other about every 6 weeks now. She risks losing her medical license daily, in order to help myself and others seeking out long term treatment, for something the CDC says doesn't exist. When I visit, I get a medical treatment plan that is going to get me better, advice on men, women, and everything in between. She recommends these books....
She says they've changed her life. My orders in, I'm just waiting for them to show up at my door.
She's a tough lady, she's had Lyme herself and knows first hand what her patients are going through. It's the first time I've ever felt truly understood by a doctor, not that I seek to be understood necessarily. It just helps to have somebody fully understand what is going on in my body. Maybe it's just a good feeling to have somebody ask you all the right questions. She is the only single person in my life who really understands what I'm going through. I look at her as a mentor and I think she looks at me as a mentee.
My latest video is below, I'm getting a Bicillin injection. I don't really feel like writing about Bicillin injections at the moment. But please enjoy the video :)
*Good news* I found an amazing primary care doctor (1 in a million), who is willing to rewrite my Bicillin injections to help try to get them covered by my insurance company. The insurance will also only cover them if they are administered at the hospital...which I don't really get why. Any nurse is perfectly capable and allowed to do injections anywhere. Still waiting to hear back, but that would be great!
You know somebody who is in treatment for Chronic Late Stage Lyme Disease.
I'm sure you also, at this point, recognize that in order to eradicate the Lyme bacteria they have to either take antibiotics, go the all natural route with herbal remedies, or do a combination, like myself. Long term, NOT short term. BUT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE INDIVIDUAL WHEN THEY UNDERGO THEIR TREATMENT, TO KILL THE BACTERIA???
In short, a herx is the dying bacteria in your body, these bacteria release endotoxins as they die. Because this happens so rapidly after taking antibiotics, your ability to rid your body of the toxins quickly, is near impossible. The Lyme bacteria cell wall is where the endotoxins get released from, the more bacteria you kill, the more toxins are released. This causes an inflammatory response within the body, so your current symptoms are exaggerated, and you basically feel like you are dying. My herx reactions in the beginning of treatment weren't that bad, I'd have some muscle pain, twitching, and fatigue. That is until Biaxin, Flagyl and Bicillin injections were combined and now I'm at a whole new level of herxing. This is a good thing though, this means that the bacteria are dying! We want this, it's how I know that I am on the right track.
On top of the herxing, you also have side effects of the antibiotics, and I'm talking mainly about the fatigue that comes with taking massive quantities of antibiotics, not the um, other stuff. I'm pumped up on this shit and I stand at 5'0'' and 105 pounds, it takes me anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to adjust to my new meds. By adjusting, I mean less fatigue and overall symptoms of the antibiotics. You must keep at them! There are times I want to stop, but I pull my Becky powers out and fight through it. The antibiotic fatigue mixed with herxing, feels like you're sleep walking through life, my conversations with people are reduced to a few sentences, with some words switched around. Let's put it this way, most of my conversations with strangers usually end really awkwardly, I get the impression most people think I've been day drinking.
My antibiotic treatment has only begun to be somewhat aggressive. Since starting Bicillin injections I have herxing about 2-3 days after the shots. My main symptoms seem to get much worse during a herx.
My first IM Bicillin injection herx
I have severe muscle pain in my upper back and neck, this is what usually causes me to roll around on the floor. I go from bed, to floor, to foam roller, then back to bed, there are usually tears and heating pads involved. I also have muscles twitching all over my body, ringing in my ears and headaches. Because my Bicillin injections are slow releasing and randomly administered throughout the week, I have now begun to have these herx reactions at work...and you guessed it, I work through it.
My neck pain :/
Since starting more of the hard core medications my brain symptoms have gotten worse, particularly during a herx or when I'm really exhausted. I have disorientation while driving, confusion, can't form words, slur my speech, short term memory loss, inability to make some decisions...this one is hard because i'll be 100% confident in my decision one day, then the next completely change my mind. This is on-going and very hard for myself and others around me to understand. Bicillin injections are supposed to be very helpful in breaking the blood brain barrier and clearing up brain issues.
So what do I do in order to rid the toxins out of my body and help my herxes.
-lemon water
-epsom salt baths & baking soda
-massage
-anything to cleanse the liver
-stretching and rolling my muscles
When I'm herxing at work
-lemon water lemon water lemon water
-milk thistle liquid extract in water
-Liquid chlorophyll in water
-assistance when lifting heavy things, like weights :)
If you want to understand how a day in the life of a Lymie feels, we can look at things on a scale range of 1-10. 10 is great, 1 is shitty.
A great day for a healthy person should feel like a 10
A great day for me feels like a 6, on this day I can do some physical exercise, go out with friends, maybe finish some sentences.
A bad day for me feels like a 3, I cannot do physical exercise nor do I want to be around people.
A herxing day for me feels like a 1, it's hard to talk, walk and be alive.
Every single day is different and every single hour is different when you have Lyme. You never know what you're gonna get!
The last time I had a 10 day was over 5 years ago. I'll know I'm free of Lyme when I get my 10 day again :)
Below are some 10 days, just before I got infected....Can't wait to feel that good again.
I haven't written in a while, I've been going through a lot of changes in my life, outside of having Lyme Disease. Life is like a play right now, I'm on stage, but also watching myself as an audience member. It's like I'm bringing life to the character I've spent months studying, and the play just repeats itself, daily, weekly, monthly.
I am certainly realizing the complexity of this illness and the extent to which it effects my brain and body. Going into treatment, I was naive, and I find myself struggling to come to terms with the fact that I am unable to do the things I once did, so easily. It's super hard for me to admit, but some days it's exhausting to go to the grocery store, cook dinner for myself, run around to pharmacies, picking up prescriptions, and work a four hour shift. There is little, to no energy for much physical activity, which is devastating to me. There are some good days thrown in the mix, energetic ones, you may find me outdoors walking, out with friends, or writing.
With so many challenges on a day to day basis, how do Lyme sufferers manage to move forward? We continue to push to the next day, with anticipation of having a better one than the day before. We look at our small improvements and have hope that large ones are right around the corner. I have so far, relied on the knowledge that I am not alone in this fight, and the positive energy from others to help me get through my days. Fellow lymies, who have reached out to offer suggestions and answers to my questions have been beyond helpful. We suffer so much physical and emotional pain, even the people closest to us have no idea what is going on, despite our efforts of explaining. There are no words to describe what it's like to speak with someone who is going through Lyme Disease and treatment. They understand, not just the physical symptoms but the complete helplessness and desperation we feel regarding this illness. We are fighting a battle with doctors, the government, the CDC, insurance companies, and our own bodies every single day. We want nothing more than to be healthy and feel better, but we have next to nobody helping us.
Today, I picked up ten injections of Bicillin, a prescription at the pharmacy that I paid $949 dollars for, WITH a pharmacy discount. When the pharmacist told me the price, I laughed and kept laughing. The way a person laughs when they are in the middle of a work out and things begin to get really challenging. If laughter didn't come out it would have been tears, this disease gets no help. I will most likely be doing these injections 2x a week for more than a few months. You do the math. This frustration eats away the positive I need to get better. How does one remain hopeful when you feel like you are snowboarding on a mountain with no snow? Oh, and you know where those injections are going, right into the muscle baby.
Leaning on others, perhaps? Friends are very helpful right now, the people who have stood by me through all of this. The ones who try to understand the scope of this illness, will forever have a huge chunk of my heart. The friends who have reached out, cooked dinner for me, offered me their home, donations, ears, time, and love. These people mean the world to me and I could not do any of this without you. I'm lucky to have amazing co-workers who surround me with their positive energy all day. The owner and friend, of the company I work for, allows me whatever hours I need and my co-workers step in, when I can't physically work all the hours I set out to. I'm happy to have each and every one of you in my life right now, in whatever way you are helping me out, it means the world to me!
This illness has a way of making me feel so small in the universe, I mean, I already stand at just 5'0". ;)
All I can really do is take my anger and frustration, laugh instead of cry, and use it to try to spread awareness, so people like myself can get the appropriate treatment in order to get well. In the process, I can hopefully help people better understand Lyme Disease.
There has been a Lyme Disease Challenge going around the internet in order to raise awareness for Lyme and gain research funds. Below is the link of my video taking a bite out of Lyme. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWISfETWpiI
You finally figured it out. Congrats, against all odds, especially if you live on the West Coast. Years of visiting doctors and innumerable health problems later, it comes together. You have Late Stage Lyme Disease. The sensation you feel most, is likely fear. Although happy to have finally found an answer, you are apprehensive about starting treatment. You're a smart one, you start doing what you've always done, but this time you search You Tube and Lyme blogs not looking for symptoms, but looking to decipher what the course of the next few years may be like for you. You see an abundance of colors written in many tones across the web. This only makes you more anxious and very scared. The stories out there about Lyme Disease are terrifying and very true, but the crazy part, is that somehow you've just entered into this haunted hayride and there is no looking back.
Taking the plunge into treatment is the only option, you want your life back.
So, I'm here to tell you that it might not be so terrifying. You've already felt like shit for as long as you've had Lyme Disease, right? So what's a little more feeling like shit going to do? It's going to make you feel better in the end! Every time I feel crappy during treatment, I smile, because I know i'm killing those little fuckers swimming around inside of me.
I am here to give you hope and to tell you that my treatment is going insurmountably well, thus far. My LL was a little worried I'd have some die-off reactions, which I've had some. But nothing major, nothing that has ended in a hospital visit. I started with child-like portions of drugs, and have now increased to adult dosages, nothing to intense though. Sometimes I think I'm being naive, just ahead there could be embers ready to implode at any given moment, or I doubt the drugs are effectively doing there job. I have these instances that I can only compare to what it's like when you see a glitter on someones face, a little sparkle or fleck of light. It's how I know my treatment is working.
Here are some sparkles I've noticed in just 2 months.
I am doing well on antibiotics! Every Lyme patient reacts differently to antibiotics so you never really know what to expect during treatment. You absolutely need to go into treatment thinking POSITIVE.
My skin color is coming back. For the last four years my skin tone has been ghostly white, with blue veins that crept so close to the surface of my skin, that I thought my pin, from my allergy scratch testing, (that I do on myself) would puncture the veins. I envision blood flying over plastic tarps, as if i'm lying on a cutting board in the middle of a Dexter episode.
Berries being tested on my thigh, so the scratches
are less visible to the public :)
Do not eat nectarines.
(Scratch testing with foods before I ate them allowed myself the freedom to avoid uncomfortable eye/throat swelling. Which would happen at the worst of times throughout my day, and with any given food item).
I can eat an avocado. I couldn't do that 3 months ago. One more food added to my small list of "safe" foods.
Things are changing. Things are not perfect by any means, but I can tell that my hormones and thyroid are balancing.
I can still work, although I am limited to four hours in the morning. You can still catch me spandex dancing all over the gym, running around, being my bossy self. Anybody who happens to witness this, would not have a clue that I am currently undergoing treatment for Late Stage Lyme Disease and consume over 50 pills a day.
Some days I may be tired or I feel like shit, my stomach may hurt, or my eyes might be in pain or swollen. Being aware and paying attention to your Lyme cycle helps. If you are more in tune with your body, you may notice that you too, have a Lyme cycle. My cycle happens to line up with period week, and the week before period week, they tend to be a bit rougher symptom wise. Also, starting new antibiotics or upping dosages makes me more sleepy for a week. Pay attention to cycles and plan your life accordingly.
I can accept myself a little more each day.
Many Lyme patients do not like to hear the phrase, "But you don't look sick." Personally, I would love to hear that phrase, but I haven't much, because I do look sick. Every morning when I look in the mirror I see what Lyme Disease has done to my body externally, and I can't fathom what has gone on internally. I used to get angry and cry because I didn't understand the changes that had taken place. There were lots of days I felt to ugly to go into the world, and would bury myself in blankets all day. Today when I wake up and look in the mirror, I simply observe. I note the changes on the outside and I know that the inside is initializing the transition. I might wake one morning with an eyelid that is sagging so low it knocks against my lashes, making it hard to keep my eyes open. On mornings like that, when I don't feel confident looking in the mirror, I go back to the main source of the problem and I'm okay with it. Being aware that these horrible symptoms are the source of Lyme Disease, calms my anxiety. I put my war paint on, head out the the door confident, and as nonjudgmental of others as I can be.
Those who pursue long term treatment for Lyme don't take no for an answer and will not back down easy. You could have trained for years, but this is the marathon of a lifetime and it's only just begun. On the rough days, all I have to think about is the amount of pills I consume on a daily basis and everything I've given up in order to kill these little fuckers. My own drive to get better and my will to kill this monster, is what keeps me going. If you've got drive and optimism, then you have a reputable case against Lyme Disease. Good Luck.
1. Getting treatment for Late Stage Lyme Disease is very expensive. I am very fortunate that I am able to get treatment, for now! If you are planning on getting treatment, that is similar to mine, you can be looking at a couple thousand dollars a month. Lyme Literate doctors do not work with insurance companies. Therefore, you end up paying out of pocket for office or Skype appointments. Visits to your LL can vary, mine is about $350 once a month. If treatment goes well I will be visiting her once every 6-8 weeks. Supplements can cost between 400-800 a month. Antibiotics may or may not be covered by insurance companies. So far some of my antibiotics have been covered, one particular antibiotic that wasn't covered costs $350 for a month supply. On top of the treatment, be prepared to spend money on organic foods, yoga, infrared saunas, a mini trampoline, and lots of epsom salts, to name a few. My treatment outlook is 2 years. The hard part is that most people dealing with Late Stage Lyme cannot work, or have limited hours a day that they can work. Currently, I feel good working about 4 hours a day. I also plan on taking a break with my acting jobs because it's mentally exhausting work and physically painful standing for hours on end, like you have to sometimes. Also, leading up to the acting job can be very stressful for me, I get nervous that my eyes may swell or my hand, which actually happened to me once. Pay close attention to this video and you can see a very painful and swollen hand. I filmed about 8 videos this day!
You can really notice the swollen joint in my right hand about the minute mark.
2. Be your own health advocate! If you know that you are not well and doctors are telling you that you do or don't have something, but it doesn't feel right. Trust yourself! Nobody knows your body more than you. Please take your health into your own hands, if need be. I did, and i'm very happy I did.
A week from getting my IGeneX test results back I found myself sitting
in the office of a Lyme Literate ND, shaking nervously. Her office was
filled with a wall full of supplements, a wild pit bull and a load of
books scattered throughout. My appointment was originally supposed to
be for January 5th, but due to a cancellation, I was able to see my Lyme
Literate immediately (this is why being super nice to receptionists
counts). My LL did not waste time, she mentioned treatment could take up to two years, so she sent me home with
prescriptions, supplements, and a feeling of ease. I was reassured in a
non-controlling tone, that if I did as she said, I would get better. I
trust her.
Here's part of the load, right now I'm taking 47 pills a day.
In her posts, Candice explains how she could have thrown the towel in and had a pity party from her ailments with Lyme, but instead she chose to have a positive outlook and feels as if everybody battling a chronic illness, is a, "chronic badass."
In case you didn't pick up on it...
The Igenex test results were POSITIVE FOR LYME DISEASE. I thought I was going to be happy to have finally gotten the answer I've desperately been searching for, but I wasn't. It tasted bitter sweet, but after a few glasses of wine and a 24 hour waiting period, I feel pretty badass.
Here are 10 reasons why I am a, Pre-Treatment, Late Stage, Lyme Disease BADASS.
1.
In my five years that I have had Lyme Disease, unknowingly, the only time I missed work was when I got the flu, from the initial infection with Lyme. Then, a whopping 5 years later, I had to leave a few times due to eye swelling. Not to mention, upon receiving my test results, even though they weren't %100 clear to me, I went directly back to work and helped people.
2.
I eliminated dairy, gluten, sugar, grains, fruit, nuts, seeds, some herbs, some veggies, adapted a low FODMOP diet, and I can still eat! The food creations I come up with trump over normal peoples versions. Ask my boyfriend, he'll tell ya.
3.
Speaking of boyfriend, I was able to keep one! He dealt with my "mysterious" symptoms. Can we say, what a great guy.
4.
I can be added to the long list of Lyme patients who have been dismissed by doctors. I was shunned by my trusting, (or so I thought) ND when he found out I had Lyme Disease. I felt so betrayed, but guess what? That only motivated me more, to find someone who understands me and will help me.
5.
I worked for 7 months, full time at a Physical Therapy clinic, where I was the only aide to help up to 8, usually elderly patients, with their exercises. I would spend lunch lying on a heating pad. Need I say more?
6.
I rekindled a love affair with my ex, named acting. I've managed to grow my resume full of commercials, movies, a web series, and even spokes modeling, all at my sickest to date.
7.
This goes in a category of its own. One of my acting jobs, landed me on billboards and buses! Even with melasma and spirochetes living in my eyes!!
8.
Because of my job, and a preconceived idea of people working in the fitness industry, I get to listen to strangers on a weekly basis, tell me how healthy I am and how sick they are. Hmm, I grin and bare it. Please stop judging, you have no idea what anybody is going through based on how they look.
9.
I never gave up. I knew I was sick and I N E V E R G A V E U P. I couldn't count on my fingers and toes how many times I've been called crazy by friends, loved ones, and doctors. But that never stopped me from believing in myself. I know my body, and when I kill every single one of those little, spirally mother fuckers, I will have an entirely different outlook on life and I can't wait to get there, despite the road that awaits me. :)
10.
I REFUSE to let Lyme Disease define who I am. This is a disease that has controlled me long enough. I will always and forever spread awareness about this disease but I will not scream from the top of my lungs that I have Lyme Disease. It will never be the first thing someone learns about me when they meet me. I'm far more interesting.
If you are reading this and don't know anything about Lyme Disease, maybe are rolling your eyes, thinking I'm just another person complaining of Chronic Fatigue, or something. I've done the same thing, but I urge you to educate yourselves. If I've contracted this ridiculously hard to diagnose, and treat disease, also, highly IGNORED, so could you. Do you have a dog? You just upped your chances.
Watch http://vimeo.com/65479794 only 30 minutes, she's from where I live now and does a great job explaining Lyme.
Also, read the blog mentioned above, to learn about treatment of Lyme and other funny stories. She's a great writer.
